small foolin'

I haven't got to the newspaper yet. CBC radio had a story about the aquabuses in False Creek. The story claimed that aquabus operators will now be armed for security. They will carry rainbow-coloured guns which they will fire across the bow of any vessel that threatens their passengers.

This is a takeoff on the true story about the plan to arm the Skytrain Police.

A bunch of people got all irate and phoned the talk-back line to protest the aquabus plan. One lady gave dire warnings of market-goers caught in the crossfire of harbour shoot-em-ups.

I thought it wasn't such a bad idea. Taken a littler farther yet, we could be safe in every part of our lives:

• Arm school crossing guards to ensure that motorists really do stop when they're told to.
• Arm the cashiers at Safeway so they can deal with people who bring more than 15 items into the express lane.
• Arm the concession stand workers at the movie theatre so we won't take so long to decide whether we want butter or margarine on our popcorn.
• Arm McDonalds servers. YES! We will have fries with that!
• Arm the ice cream truck driver. Mom will buy popsicles for everyone, everytime.
• Arm librarians. No more eating in the carrals, and everyone will remember to bring their library cards and turn off their cell phones, or else.

Question: Why are thing most funny when they are dangerously close to reality?

mompoet - April Fools spectator only