am i ready?

I do not like it when someone asks, "so, are you ready for Christmas?"

What does that mean? Have I bought enough gifts for everyone? Do I have a fat goose running around my back yard ready to be killed, plucked and roasted? Am I ready to welcome Jesus????

Whatever it means, I know it's just polite small (or empty) talk, but it bugs me every year when people start asking. I am trying to think up a good answer that will not be insulting, but that won't make me feel like a weinie or a liar. So far everything I have thought of is inadequate:

YES! The ox and the lamb are lying down and the manger is full of hay and I washed the swaddling clothes!

YES! I have maxed out my credit cards and alienated my family while I cleaned and baked and decorated and told them not to touch anything and wreck it before the guest come!

YES! I have given all my belongings to charity and will sell my kidney on Christmas Eve to provide a food hamper for a needy family.

NO! I am Jewish.

NO! I am dyslexic so I thought it was Easter. Would you like an egg? Here...take 12!

NO! OH MY GOD! IS IT CHRISTMAS AGAIN! HELP ME! PLEASE!!!!

There just isn't a joyous, sincere answer to that question so I mutter something like, "pretty much, how 'bout you?" or "not really, but that's okay, it always comes, ready or not..."

Maybe I could ask a counter question:

ARE YOU READY FOR THE APOCALYPSE?
ARE YOU READY FOR A BETTER MOUSETRAP?
ARE YOU READY TO KNOW WHAT I REALLY THINK ABOUT YOU?

Nope, that would be much worse.

If you have any good ideas, please tell me. Meantime, I am going to climb into bed with a book. I don't know what it is I'm supposed to do to "get ready."

question: what???

mompoet - bugged