Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Hardly Perfect

After revealing that I did not floss during Christmas vacation (well once on Christmas day - not because of any religious reason, because of turkey). I feel that I must respond to shocked expressions from friends and family at the realisation that I am not perfect.

  • I prefer to entertain after dark. I light candles, eliminating the need to dust or wipe surfaces. I splash a tiny bit of bleach down each bathroom drain and in the tub. Then it seems like I cleaned the house.
  • I have not cleaned behind my fridge. Ever. I have lived in this house for 14 years and 4 months. Sometimes the cat sits in front of the fridge and looks at it. I imagine something is living behind there. If I'm lucky it's just bugs.
  • I had rats in my house in 1994. We got rid of them but it took 10 days. I was operating a licensed family daycare at the time. I had to notify my clients and the health authority, then we set traps and barricaded the basement . The rats were smart. They stole the bait, ate my chair and all but 2 escaped. Another one died in the wall, which was also lovely.
  • My children fight about 78% of the time that they are together and awake. I do not know what to do about it. This has been going on for approximately 10 years.
  • When one of my children has been horrible to me and I have been patient and positive and firm, then the child walks away and stubs his/her toe and yells OWCH! I secretly say "karma" and fantasize for just a moment about telekinesis.
  • I eat egg rolls with my fingers, then I lick my fingers.
  • I belch when I drink pop, and I guzzle beer. My husband always has to tell me to slow down.
  • I read People Magazine at the orthodontist office and the place where my son gets his hair cut.
  • I drool when I sleep.
So there you have it. Definitely not perfect. And that's not even a complete list. Sufficient however to dispel any remaining myths.

Question: Who said I was?

mompoet - typical

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