Thursday, December 23, 2004

Stocking Stuffers

got me out to the mall one more time. I bought mine last week, thanks to a great sale on mega-Toblerones at Shoppers (mom, dad, pretend you didn't read that). But the kids still had to do their shopping. So back to the mall we went. Twice.

Twice, because it doesn't work to go all together. Fourteen year-old son and eleven-year old daughter are okay together in the same house or at the same social or arts activity, but when there's a task to do (buy 5 stocking stuffers with a budget of $20 max) it just doesn't work. If you would like a live demonstration of the word "fugue," just stand in a store with those two together. How can two kids have 4 or 5 voices? I don't know. They just do.

So our daughter and I went after lunch, while son and my godson took transit to go see a movie together (Lemony Snicket - 2 thumbs up). We went to London Drugs. She bought an obscene amount of candy at pre-Christmas discount prices and beat her budget by $2.70. I have to pretend I do now know that I am receiving 5 packages of Mackintosh's Creamy Toffee (don't be jealous mom). What am I going to do with 5 packages of Mackintosh's Creamy Toffee???? Anyway, the trip was quick and discreet. Daughter is embarassed about being noticed while shopping. After the stocking stuffers, we bought her Christmas pajamas (now she has red flannel with snowmen just like I do). We have to whisper in dressing rooms ever since she witnessed a girl her age being traumatized by a whole-family effort to find a bathing suit at Sears a year or so ago. "Gerri-Anne!!! We found another size 14. Try this honey. Navy looks good on you."

After supper I dropped godson off at his home and I took our boy out to shop. What a difference. This son of ours has no inhibitions. He's loud and funny and seemingly transparent. After hearing that his sister bought all candy he decided to look for non-candy alternatives. We started at London Drugs again, and marched up and down the aisles, shouting out possibilities. "Does Dad want some motor oil for the Lumina Mom?" "Does Grandpa have an iron?" "Maybe I can buy everyone condoms???" We were drawing stares but he doesn't care, and I'm used to it. We ended up buying candy after all (well, something else for Grandpa, but I'm not saying), except for Mom and sister. Toenail polish? Lipstick? Hmmmmm......I suggested magazines for us, but all that he would consider was a car magazine with a beautiful, scantily dressed woman posing in front of some vehicle or other. "We could cross out the picture of the girl, Mom. Then would you like it?" In the cashier line he looked around desperately and announced, "How do you feel about Tic Tacs, Mom?" By this time I was laughing hysterically and everyone around us was probably wondering if we were doing some kind of guerilla theatre performance. Nope.

After that I took him to the Body Shop. I showed him lip gloss, fruit flavoured in little pots, and suggested that we both like that, and that his sister's favourite flavour is orange, and that I'm partial to mango anything. He made a speedy selection. At the cashier he was $1.14 short. Okay, I said, but remember this when I'm old and I need someplace to live. "You're going to the old folks home, Mom. A really crummy one, too, with bad food." He said that, honest!

I love him so much that I took him for ice cream before we went home. He got brain freeze from a Turtle Blast at Baskin and Robinns and talked my ear off. What have we created?? Oh, yeah, somebody just like us. That's good.

Merry Christmas

Question: How do YOU feel about Tic Tacs?

mompoet - $1.56 to the good, and face sore from laughing

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