Recently, I have become aware of a change of mood and memory. I have been more stressed, more forgetful, and less able to find the deliciousness of every day. I attribute this to busy times, lots of responsibility, hectic pace etc. But I also worry: Am I losing my capacity to multi-task? Is my grip on the spirit of fun and adventure slipping? Will I forget something crucially important and endanger someone? let someone down in a big way? screw up in a way that I will regret? Will I begin collecting regrets? I don't want those!
An illustration: when the phone rings, I usually think - HEY! The phone! that might be someone interesting. I'll go get it... Lately I've been saying - HEY. The phone. Who is imposing on my limited resources by phoning me now? That's not good.
Another illustration: I spent some time last weekend in my kitchen. It's a way that I calm myself when I am feeling overwhelmed. I was baking biscotti from a recipe in one of my favourite cookbooks, in my small kitchen. I was making a BIG batch of biscotti - quadruple proportions, so I had my biggest bowl on the counter, plus a cutting board covered with chopped up apricots. I set the cookbook on the stove. That's safe, I'm not using the stove top, just the oven. A few minutes later I was still measuring and mixing when I decided a cup of tea would be nice. I put the kettle on the back burner and continued to mix the biscotti batter. A moment later - WHOOOSH! There was my cookbook - ON FIRE! I put it out before there was a major disaster. I had turned on the wrong burner. I had to cut off the badly burned back cover and part of the last page of the book, but otherwise it was okay. I'm grateful I didn't run downstairs for some raisins, get distracted and light the house on fire.
So these are signs that an adjustment is needed. Something has to change, but what? Things are good for me, maybe a little more volume than is needed, but when I tally up my home, job, family, friends, community, I find nothing that I'd even consider eliminating or drastically changing.
Then out of the blue there's a shuffle at work. Two days before I leave on a 3-week Christmas break, my boss phones me and asks me if I want to do a different job (same organization, lateral move) for one year, to fill in for someone else who is doing likewise. With barely a thought I said, "YES!" Of course then I talked to my family about it and slept on it, and called back in the morning and said, "STILL YES!" So starting in January I'll be working at the community centre instead of "out and about" in the community, and I'll be supervising seniors programming and some kids stuff too. I'm excited to be doing something different after 10 years in the same job, which I love, and will return to in January 2009. The new job is closer to my home - I think I can even take transit a few days a week, and my employer provides subsidized bus passes, so I'm sure I'll do it. I could even walk to work when the weather is good and I have an hour and a quarter to spare. The gym where I work out is in this centre (bikes and office in the same building - YIKES!) and the people there are wonderful. Of course I will miss the Mary Annes at my current office, but we'll see each other at meetings and lunches, and they say I can visit any time.
My friend Michele says I was born with a built-in horseshoe. By this she means whenever I need something it seems to drop into my lap. I accept these blessings gratefully. Here I am, needing a change, and a low-risk, moderately high-challenge opportunity has been provided. Thank you God. Thank you job. Thank you friends and family.
Now I just have to clean out my desk at the old office, find out who they are getting to replace me, and get one of those transit passes. If it all works out I will be answering the phone with a lift in my voice, and not barbequeing any more cookbooks any time soon. However, if you give me a nice Canadian Tire Catalogue or one of those gazillion paper phone books we get every year, I will gladly toast it up for you. Yum.
question: did you ever know you needed something, but not exactly what, then it came to you out of the blue?
mompoet - boing