I'm still a mess of stress. I thought I was over it but nope, not, still frazzing. A neutral-intentioned comment from a co-worker yesterday sent me in a tizzy of self-righteous "she done me wrong" that's all straightened out today but whooaaah. For the first time in ages I DID NOT SLEEP AT NIGHT. Me, the one famous for 3-2-1-unconscious whenever I want to. I listened to my husband breathing for a few hours and did the pillow/blanket/flip-flop/shuffle until sometime past 2 in the morning. Ug.
Today was another matter. Things smoothed down considerably. It was Take Our Kids to Work Day, so Fi and her friend Kira came to work with me. I had some pretty boring moments, and a private hour with my Artists' Way group, so they spent some time working with an awesome preschool instructor and toured the Burnaby Art Gallery without me at the lunch hour. They sat through a Ministry of Children and Family Development presentation on child abuse prevention in my afternoon staff meeting, which made me feel proud. Then we started up a soccer program before I had to drop Fi to her rehearsal and take Kira home. After that I thought I was home free, but I got called back in to work for a minor emergency that didn't last long and was nicely resolved. Still, I know I am teetering.
I don't like to feel like I am not on top of my work.
I don't like to feel like I am doing less than a great job.
I don't like to miss deadlines.
I don't like that impatient and bitchy feeling I get when I start resenting someone calling or just sticking their head in my office door. That's not why I signed up for this.
I remind myself that there will always be times when I will feel overwhelmed. The time will pass, the feeling will fade. I'll be back on top of the horse.
Meantime, self-care: cancel what I can, do things I like to do, eat/sleep/love healthy and strong, get some exercise, be with people who nourish my soul, pray daily and go to church on Sunday. There it is.
All will be right, but right now, don't tip me - I splash sad/mad/illogic-globs. Watch out.
question: do you ever feel like not your best self? What do you do to recover your centre?
mompoet - lopsided, definitely