something you should know (or already do)

I was riding home on the bus and
what usually happens
happened
everyone could hear my thoughts
I think about this almost every time I ride the bus
the people are sitting there
looking oblivious
and listening to everything I think and feel
I think, “I gotta pee”
they think, “she has to pee”
I think “That guy with the ipod and the track suit looks like my brother
they think “that guy with the ipod and the track suit looks like her brother”
I think, “If I thought about murdering someone or robbing a bank or having sex with someone on this bus, would everyone hear that?”
They think, “yes, we would hear that.”
It only happens on the bus, most of the time
But never on the 97 bus because 97 is a prime number
It’s the B-line, and if B was a letter, it would be a prime number
Because B is two
B is the only even prime number letter
C is a prime number also
but it’s not even
even so, the C24 bus is safe too because if you add up the number 24 and the letter C
you get 27
which isn’t a prime number
but it’s the cube of a prime so it’s even better
so on some buses the people can’t hear my thoughts
but on most they can
they act natural because they all agreed ahead of time that that’s the best way to deal with
listening to my thoughts
like they had a meeting or something about me
everyone in the world
or
everyone who rides the bus, anyway
they all agreed to just act natural
so I try to think thoughts like elevator music
so I won’t give away too many secrets

a secret
another one
I sometimes imagine that someone I know is watching me when I’m all by myself
I imagine that the person is admiring me
thinking I’m pretty amazing or talented
or at least loveable
or at least funny
I imagine they’re sneaking around, disguised as someone else
or they hired someone with a hidden camera
or planted a spy camera in a room where I’ll be all by myself
and they’re watching on a monitor
in a van down the street
I’m usually pretty careful to act
admirable
or
loveable
or at least funny when I think they’re watching
but then I realize I just ate my entire salad with my fingers
dipping leaf clusters into balsamic vinegar
then I licked my fingers
then I farted
but I stood up first so I wouldn’t squeak the chair
I hate when that I fart-squeak the chair
it's so undignified
then I realize it’s probably just as well that nobody is watching
or at least if they are I hope they think I’m
loveable
or
funny
enough to like to see me eating salad with my fingers and farting off the chair

sometimes I think babies are really
old, wise aliens
they are sent to earth to observe us
and send data back to their planets
they can understand everything we say
and hear our thoughts
and sometimes they even control our thoughts
to see if we’ll do what they telepath us to do
then they grow up and turn into ordinary kids
after they’ve done their work
and transmitted data
about how we act around little babies
up to their mother ship

one time I peed my pants at the Vancouver Art Gallery
not just a little squirt
a whole gusher
I just couldn’t make it to the bathroom on time
I threw my underwear in the trash
mopped up as best I could with t.p.
wrapped my hoodie around my waist to hide the wet patch on my jeans
and went to look at tom thompson anyway

my mother says as you get older you lose a bit of your control
but I’ve always been this way
she says you also understand better that you never had
as much control as you thought you had
and I think she’s right about that
sometimes I talk to my mother when she’s not there
sometimes, when she’s there, I don’t

I just second guessed myself
I looked up prime numbers on the internet
97 is a prime for sure
the next one after it is 101
if we rode the 99 bus together it would be a prime because us and 99
add up to 101
we should ride the bus together one time
you know what I’m thinking
even when the bus
is safe

question: am I the only one?

mompoet - suspecting not