nesting

One of the signs that I am overwhelmed is when the phone is for me and I resent it.

Normally I feed on the energy of the people around me, and feel good about feeling good with people and them feeling good with me. I'm feeling that other inclination these days, which is a sign of needing a rest. The other sign is when my normally absolutely unbelievably good luck turns around.

On Tuesday I had a minor car crash. A lady was distracted by her kids in the back seat, and slid into the back of my car on a wet road. We're all okay, and the cars weren't even damaged because I saw her coming and moved forward as much as I could before she hit. But to me, that's another sign that I'm overextending myself to the edge of where the going is good. It's like God or the cosmos saying, "take a different path."

Also, I notice myself being jealous of really mundane things. Like driving in the car I see a house, with the lights on in the living room and some people sitting on the couch and I say to myself, "I wish I could just be sitting on the couch." I remember this impulse at its silliest, back when I was a student teacher, having an absolutely terrible practicum, doubting my ability to function effectively, I drove past the old Oakalla Prison every morning where the guards were on strike and picketing. I said to myself, "I wish I was a prison guard on strike and not a student teacher." Now how silly is that?

So now I have to back up and listen to the little voice that is probably just telling me to spend fewer nights out and more time at home. I also have to take a look at work and do some re-framing so I'm not feeling like I'm hitting the ground running every morning, and squishing my office door shut on yelping undone tasks at the end of every day.

I have the power to feel better. Enjoying zesty days is my forte. I just have a bit of work to do right now. I'll start with some nesting. Family, book, couch, bed, answering machine - all good.

question: do you ever notice yourself sliding?

mompoet - time for self-care