Friday, August 26, 2011

it could be heinous - the evil underpants theory

Well, not actually evil underpants. Underpants are inanimate and intention-less. I should say evil underpants sender.

So maybe the underpants are laced with anthrax or they are armed with an underpants bomb or at least the larva of a big, creepy insect. I am safe from the first two hazards if I do not take the wrapper off the underpants. But if it's the third, well, when it hatches, surely it will chew its way through the wrapper, climb up the stairs in the middle of the night, crawl into my ear while I sleep and burrow into my brain. I will become an underpants bug zombie and lurch around with a vacant look in my eyes, and a pair of underpants on my head.

I hope this is not true.

I palpated the package to get a sense of whether it contains anything besides just underpants. I could not feel any lumps or irregularities that might suggest an object hidden inside the underpants.

Maybe the underpants are programmed to activate a hypnotizing hologram. I'll be eating breakfast and the hologram will pop up and hypnotize me and coerce me to commit crimes, like running up and down the street with underpants on my head, switching my neighbours' mail to other people's mail boxes. Petty underpants crime.

Probably none of these scenarios are true, but it's interesting to imagine that they might be so.

question: what is the meaning of these underpants?

mompoet - ginchy-la-la

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