Friday, September 05, 2008

my week in a nutshell - a very short one act play

CROUTON OPENS

on a lettuce garden, decorated with bees. The MOM enters, carrying a laundry basket filled with unsharpened pencils.

The MOM: Oh look, it's Tuesday. The sun shines through the pillows and a new week begins. It is September and I am...

TURTLE, TRICYCLE, DUCK and BINGO DABBER (offstage, in a jumble of shouts): eeeee! horror! banana! electrolux!

The MOM: Does anyone need busfare? I have some tulips here in my hairnet.

Turtle stumbles onstage. Her chef's hat is on backward. She has a hot wheels car in one hand and a carrot peeler in the other.

TURTLE: Have you seen the cat? I think she finished the turnips without putting on a new roll.

The MOM: Good morning Turtle.

TURTLE: How can you say that? Where is your fence of compassion? You have crushed me to the pore! (throws the hot wheels car offstage, takes off her hat, and runs offstage, stabbing her hat with a carrot peeler) Bad! Bad! cat!

The MOM sighs and begins to arrange the pencils into a porcupine design in her hairnet. Still arranging, she walks to the mirror, stops to consider her reflection, and laughs.

TRICYCLE enters, dragging BINGO DABBER by the tail.

TRICYCLE: (to BINGO DABBER) You see? I told you it was your fault! The MOM always laughs when it's your fault. Now give me back my waffle clapper!

BINGO DABBER: Somebody help me! He thinks I took his waffle clapper but I didn't. How could I take it? I have no hands. All I can do is dab, dab, dab! (BINGO DABBER dabs a big dab of green ink on tricycle. The MOM turns and looks).

DUCK enters

DUCK: QUAK!

TRICYCLE: (wiping green ink off his handlebars) Well, if you didn't take my waffle clapper, then who did? I left it under the bread and now it's gone.

DUCK: QUAK! QUAK!

BINGO DABBER: Duck is trying to quell us something. What's up, Duck?

DUCK: QUAK! QUAK! QUACK!

The MOM: Hold on, I speak duck. I'll find out.

The MOM and DUCK engage in an exchange of quacking, flapping and bowing.

The MOM: Okay, thanks Duck. I'll tell them. (to Tricycle and Bingo Dabber) He says he ate your waffle clapper and your bread. But he will give them back to you if you tell him where you put his shoes.

DUCK: QUAK!

BINGO DABBER: Ducks don't wear shoes, and I don't like waffle clapper bread poop. Let's get him, Tricycle! DAB! DAB! (TRICYCLE and BINGO DABBER chase DUCK offstage).

The MOM empties the laundry basket of any remaining pencils and puts it upside down on her head, then shoos the bees away. After the bees leave, she sets down the laundry basket centre stage. She walks to the lettuce garden where she chooses three heads of iceberg. She takes the lettuce to the laundry basket, climbs into the laundry basket and sits with her eyes closed for a moment.

Duck, now covered with green polka dots, enters, and hops into the laundry basket with The MOM. They snuggle up and smile. Mom exhales slowly, then commences to juggle lettuce. Duck watches.

CROUTON CLOSES

2 comments:

Fiona said...

...where was I when this all happened?! :)

mompoet said...

Perhaps you were pulling the crouton?