my swarmjam christmas list

My Swarmjam Christmas List

Now you may have heard of Groupon – that online group deal site

With restaurant meals, and tours and spas, every frugal elf's delight

With daily email offerings for budgets loose and tight...

But Groupon's not where Santa shops to get his gift list right.

Santa shops at Swarmjam. It's Groupon's tacky cousin.

Swamjam emails daily too, with gifties by the dozen.

So if you know a person who has everything already,

Subscribe to Swarmjam for a stream of junkie gifts most steady.

If your mother's ears are cold, she won't think that you're a meanie

Go to Swarmjam for a cute and cozy stereo headphone beanie.

And thinking of your mother, if she's got whiskers like most geezers

Help with her grooming with some automatic tweezers.

Please don't forget your father! Send away his Christmas blues

With some vegan eco-friendly organic walking shoes.

Your husband will be ecstatic, and surely laugh and beam

At cookies with the logo of his favourite sports team.

Or, if your wife is one for glamour, but her wardrobe is a mess

Give temporary eye-rock crystals (OUCH!) and a bikini wrap-up dress.

And when you stuff her stocking, she won't complain at all

About coloured hair extensions and a cool bra-washing ball.

The kids want touchscreen leather gloves, and they will jump with glee

At self-sanitizing toothbrushes, powered by LED.

Now don't forget the family dog – you know what he likes:

At Swarmjam you can sign him up for dog adventure hikes.

A memory foam bath mat, will help your family feel refreshed,

While whole body vibration treatments will make them happy-fleshed.

And if in fact you're Jewish, and you're sick of giving gelt

Why not go to Swarmjam for a nifty silicone belt? (in your choice of 8 neon colours).

Yes, Santa shops at Swarmjam, to keep our spirits lifted.

Those Swarmjam gifts are gifts most likely gifts that are re-gifted.

Yes, buy your gifts at Swarmjam, and you'll soon say, “This is living.”

The gifts you'll buy on Swarmjam are the gifts that keep on giving.

*No gifts were actually purchased on Swarmjam in the making of this poem.

question: who in the world needs 30 days of raspberry ketone pills and a furminator pet grooming brush?

mompoet - maybe I will buy the at home sushi roller