Thursday, July 03, 2008

the wart chronicles - week three

The sun is shining and everything is growing, including my warts. Yes, that's plural. It seems that they are colonizing my feet. There are 3, or more precisely 4, because one has two roots, so it is technically 2 warts growing together. Oh yay, a conjoined wart. There's the big one that first got my attention, plus two smaller ones on the other foot, or should I say three on the other foot. Wart-ever.

I saw the doctor again today for more deep freeze treatment. This time it was lovely doctor Mitha with an office full of photos of babies that she has delivered. My doctor works in a group practice so if he's not in, or if he's all booked, I can always see another doctor, which is very convenient. This wart treatment regime is giving me the chance to meet all of the doctors in the office, and allowing them all to meet me and my warts. They are all kind and considerate and businesslike, and get the freezing done quickly. It stings pretty bad on the second foot because there's no callus protecting them. The first wart needs some pumice action before the next freeze, according to doctor Mitha. She says this will make the treatment more effective and reduce the number of visits that I have to make before the wart gives up and dies. Some more wart facts:

Freezing works, but the average is 6-8 visits before the wart is killed. (I have gone for 3, so I guess this is going to be a summer project.)

The most common place to catch the wart virus is the shower at the gym or the swimming pool. (I think I got mine at the library or the art gallery.)

Once you have warts a couple of times you are supposed to develop immunity. (Tell that to my warts.)

I have had a million warts over the years, including a horrible encounter with flat warts (about 25 or 30 of them) on my forehead when I was in university. That was really yukky. I think warts love me and my mutatable skin cells.

I am keeping these warts covered and wearing the flip flops in the shower for the protection of other people more than for me. This is something I do not want to share.

I feel like a rock on the beach, only with the barnacles on the underside, and those inside out. I'm sure I'll get over it. In the meantime, I think I will name them: Hortense, Oliver, Daniel and Henrik. Hortense is on the right foot, the others on my left.

Well now, I must go introduce Hortense to the pumice stone.

question: wart do you think of all this?

mompoet - sorry to impose my papilloma on my readers, but I thought you should know


J. Andrew Lockhart said...

when I was young, 20 years ago, I had warts on my fingers. Horrible! No medicine worked, but then I saw a doctor for it - he gave me shots of the stuff for chemo medicine on my fingers and all of them died! (made me sick, too, due to the medecin, but well worth it.) Never had another since.

Muhd Imran said...

Wart a hassle these can be!

These are the types of acquaintances you's want dead.

All the best and hope they leave you sooner or they'll be murdered.

Have a good week anyways!